Just as everything seemed so perfect

Just as everything seemed so perfect. Just as I was mending broken relationships. Just as I was learning to love. Just as I was proud myself. Just as I was beginning to make a difference. Just as life seemed worth living. Just as the scars were starting to fade.

One in Six Billion

I was originally going to write about how it's hard to like somone knowing they don't feel the same, but you've heard that story before. Instead, some advice from one of my friends to another came to mind:

There are 6 billion people in this world. One of them is waiting for you, and how will you be able to find them when you're holding on to someone who can't return the feelings you have for him?

Wise words and well said. Just something to think about.

How Far I've Come

I wrote this some time ago and I've changed tremendously since then. I'm not perfect by any means, nor will I ever be; but I can not expect to grow if I forget my past. I'm proud of myself and thankful for everyone who didn't give up on me.

Neruosis

Some people have noticed something’s been a little off about me lately. I’m just not myself. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone in the world around me. I feel insignificant. I feel lonely. I feel sad. I feel tired, and confused, and helpless, and forgotten, and stupid, and frustrated, and selfish, and guilty, and unwanted, and embarrassed. But why? I’m sure I could list a million reasons why I feel stupid or tired. But that’s not the point. I’m not sure what is, but I am sure that’s not it. Is something wrong with me? Maybe. Who knows? What if there is? When then? What if I’m fine? I don’t feel fine. Where do I go from here? Where can I go when I feel so abandoned and rejected? Look at me. Just that sentence annoys me. That one too. All I think about is myself. Everything I just wrote, me, me, me, me, me. It’s always about me. I wish I’d get over myself. I can’t blame other people for not wanting me around. If I were them, I wouldn’t want me around either. That reminds me of some lyrics “I feel like I wouldn’t like me if I met me.” I’m afraid, too. Afraid to be honest. Vulnerable. To commit. To let go. To trust. There is a part of me that wants to cry out. To scream the air out of my lungs. But another part says no. That’s too scary. I don’t want other people to know. I don’t want to let them in. But I do. I can’t decide which I want more. Sometimes I hate myself. At least parts of me. I wish I didn't. Help.

Inspiration

I don't know her. I've never met her, talked to her, even seen her. Well, except for in pictures obviously. But I saw this top picture on flickr when I searched 'dancing' and something about it just made me smile. She dances every Friday. She is so radiant, confident, beautiful, real, awesome. These pictures represent so many things I wish I were. I'm starting to become some of them. It's not easy to love myself, but I have to start somewhere. This picture inspires me. Those traits, qualities, that mindset are no longer distant dreams; they are my goals, and I have the power to achieve them. Thanks for the reminder and inspiration Dottie :]