Sunday, December 14, 2008
In desperate need of a reality-check
I'm convinced I'm going to fail at life. I have straight A's. I volunteer. I go to church. I play sports. And as much as I am disgusted with myself for saying this, I honestly don't feel like any of it is good enough. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I genuinely think I will never get in to the college I want to, and I'll wind up at some school where I'm unsuccessful, or not in school at all, and that I will hate my job, or not have one. I'm disgusted with my self-consumed thoughts and fears. I'm disgusted with the fact that I've convinced myself that I have no control over these thoughts and fears. I'm disgusted with how I view myself and the world. Most of all, I resent myself and anyone or anything that has caused or allowed me to develop this perspective.
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My dear, my dear, my dear.
Katie, I cannot stand hearing such things from you, but I know I've felt and written something along the exact. same. lines. The feeling of not being able to succeed can consume you completely. It comes from fear, it comes from competition you feel around you, and it comes from you. The things you do don't define you, love. It's your character, your passion, how YOU want to live your life. That is what defines you. I hope that one day we learn to block out everything but ourselves and our thoughts. But before that, I hope we learn to be who we really are and have the thoughts we need to know that we can do whatever we want.
Keep on keepin' on dear. Your such a inspiration.
<3 Cara
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