I need

typed my name into google followed by "needs":

the first one is from a while ago...
1. new jeans (need? not so much. want? definately.)
2. to be on her own for a while
3. to get out of the house a little more
4. to see a specialist (uhhh?)
5. a home
6. kisses
7. to butt out
8. your help
9. a time machine and $1,000 ( :] sounds like fun!)
10. a blog (didn't have one at the time)

this one is from today...
1.hula lessons
2. your help
3. to be isolated
4. to work on her posture (very true)
5. a blog (um, yeah...)
6. to use the litter pan on her own (HAHAHA)
7. YOU
8. parenting classes
9. to work on her posture (ok ok, i get it!)
10. kisses

Going to Africa

It's official. I'm going to Africa!
From my mom:

Way to Go!
Where ever your path leads you, have fun on your journey. You have a thoughtful mind and heart and the determination to make any dream your own!
Love,
Mom

Awake

You know how certain things jog your memory, different smells, sounds, tastes, places, pictures, people, even things? For me, more than anything else, it's music. I have songs that will literally take me back years in an instant. (and I'm not trying to be cheesy or joking about nsync or Britney spears or anything) It's almost an out of body experience, reliving the past, or, rather, looking down, watching myself relive the past.

Just a moment ago I put on Josh Grobin's album Awake. It's beautiful. His voice is soothing, enchanting, calming, and rich. I remember listening to it over and over, desperately clinging to the last ounce of sanity I had left in me, surrendering to the words. Slipping. I lost myself, overcome by it all. I remember trying to escape the world, wishing I were anywhere, anywhere. I remember feeling defeated and hopeless. I remember crying. Tears running down my hot face, my body and hands shaking. I remember how it felt.

I won't go back.

But I cannot forget.

Happy Birthday

I'm 17 now.

:]

Happy to be alive

Today is one of those days that is so awesome that you're just happy to be alive.

I don't know what their problem is

I don't know what their problem is. They include everyone else, would it KILL them to include me??? Everyone else does, except for them.

Whatever.

I'm over it.

He can't say yes unless I ask?

He can't say 'yes' unless I ask.
But then again, he can't say 'no' either.
This seems all too familiar.
Last time didn't work out so great.
Which is worse, rejection or regret?
I don't want to live in fear because of something that happened in the past.
Maybe I should just go for it.
Like pulling off a bandaid. (Did I really just compare this to pulling off a bandaid? haha)
The anticipation's the worst part.
Good things have come from taking risks in the past :)