You know how certain things jog your memory, different smells, sounds, tastes, places, pictures, people, even things? For me, more than anything else, it's music. I have songs that will literally take me back years in an instant. (and I'm not trying to be cheesy or joking about nsync or Britney spears or anything) It's almost an out of body experience, reliving the past, or, rather, looking down, watching myself relive the past.
Just a moment ago I put on Josh Grobin's album Awake. It's beautiful. His voice is soothing, enchanting, calming, and rich. I remember listening to it over and over, desperately clinging to the last ounce of sanity I had left in me, surrendering to the words. Slipping. I lost myself, overcome by it all. I remember trying to escape the world, wishing I were anywhere, anywhere. I remember feeling defeated and hopeless. I remember crying. Tears running down my hot face, my body and hands shaking. I remember how it felt.
I won't go back.
But I cannot forget.
1 comment:
Music doesn't take me back as strongly as it seems to do to you, but it certainly does remind me of the past. That's why sometimes when I'm listening to old music, I feel kind of sad, b/c I'm nostalgic. And then I end up becoming moody...
I love Josh Groban's voice... ;)
I'm glad you won't go back, Katie. To whatever place that made you so sad and distraught.
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