Affirmations

Every morning of third grade at the beginning of class my teacher would have us stand up, say the Pledge of Allegiance, sing patriotic songs, stretch, and say affirmations. I've been in a negative mood lately, and I'm tired of it (and no doubt after reading all my negative blogs you are too) I don't want to always be negative and depressed. I'd like to think I'm a positive and happy person, but the reality is, often times I'm not.

Today in the car my uncle told my mom and me about how he's trying to be have a more positive approach to life after he met a five-year-old girl with leukemia. When he met her in September she had already had fourteen blood transfusions and lost one kidney, but he said she was the brightest and happiest little girl he'd ever seen. Every time he saw her she was smiling cheek to cheek, happy for no particular reason at all.

It's about time I suck it up. I want to be a happier person, someone that other people enjoy being around, someone they feel comfortable talking to, someone they appreciate. And not just for other people, but for myself, too. I'm gonna give affirmations a second chance.

I am valuable.
I am accomplished.
I am smart.
I am compassionate.
I am unique.
I am an individual.
I am a friendly person.
I love myself.
I love other people.
I can make a difference.
I am happy.

Checking Out

I do this stupid thing where I 'check out' every once in a while.
I just sort of disappear (literally and metaphorically).
It's like the whole 'damsel in distress' or 'playing hard to get' routine, only not romantic.
Like, instead of fishing for compliments I'm fishing for attention. For validation.
That's so disgusting. So low.
I hate it when other people do this.
I hate it when I do it too.
So why do I do it?
That's the real question.
I'm not sure exactly why I do it. I guess it's for a lot of reasons.
I want to see if anyone notices I'm gone.
I want to feel like someone cares about me.
I want to see if they bother to say anything.
I want to feel like I matter.
I need to learn to stop using other people as a gauge of my worth.

Lonely

I feel like I'm spread so thin that I have tons of acquaintances, but few friends, and even fewer that could be considered 'close'.

I feel like I know these acquaintances well enough to talk with them or hang out, but not enough that they would invite me to go somewhere or do something.
Like a good song that you love to listen to, but gets to be annoying and overplayed.

I feel like even among my 'friends' I'm easily forgotten, pushed aside. I feel like I'm someone people appreciate, but only when they remember me, only when it suits them.
Like that musty old raincoat you dig out once or twice a year.

I feel like they replace me, and when the replacements fall through, they come back, but I welcome them, loyal and forgiving.
Like an abused puppy that keeps crawling back no matter how many times you kick it.

I promise you I'm not always this cynical.
I'm just in a bad mood.

It's been roughly a year.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

I met a really cute guy today :)

That about sums it up.
Friend of a friend.
Good conversationalist.

Random Facts

When I’m carrying a bag over one shoulder, unless there’s some reason not to, I carry it on my left shoulder, except for backpacks, those I carry on my right shoulder.

I like making lists of things. I genuinely believe it’s therapeutic. I feel more organized and less stressed.

I don’t have texting.

I admire and envy artistic people. A lot.

I’m on the school academic team.

I like going on random adventures and seeing where I wind up.

I love being outdoors.

I almost never know what day it is.

I forget my homework and I forget it much too often.

I get to school pretty early in the morning and hang out with lewis. You think he’s cool now, get to know him.

I cut my fingernails a lot, but I always feel like they’re too long. But I do like having them long if they’re manicured, which is rare.

I read the Princeton Review 361 Best Colleges book, all 747 pages.

I think organic natural earthy hippie stuff is interesting.

I don’t like to spend money.

I have a Bible that has Spanish on the left and English on the right.

I can hold a decent conversation in Spanish. And thanks to profe, I can monologue for three minutes about my favorite movie, my hero, my weekend, and what I would say in a letter to the owner of a laundry mat if I were to write him regarding a missing sock.

I love love love love LOVE to volunteer.

I don’t normally brush my hair when it’s dry, but rather comb it when it’s wet.

I’ve never colored my hair.

My hair is obnoxiously long because I’m growing it so I can cut it for Locks of Love.

I think science is cool. I want to take so many different science classes, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do next year.

When I’m writing on a paper on top of a hard surface I put a binder or book or even another paper under my paper, I can’t just write on one piece of paper on a desk, it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

I wonder if anyone reads my blog. I think a few people do.

Most of my pencils don’t have erasers because I make lost of mistakes. I’m not sure if that means I’m dumb or just impatient.

As much as I’d rather not admit it, having frau for chem last year is saving me so much stress this year. I guess she was…right.

I love hugs. I wear my free hugs t-shirt almost every week.

I get really excited when I talk that I wind up practically throwing my arms all over the place.

I don’t like green beans.

Scary movies are eh. It depends if they’re any good or not. But then there are the ones that are a little too good.

I really don’t mean them to, but half the things I say make pretty darn good ‘that’s what she said’ jokes.

I love water. Some people would say a little too much. Those people are dumb.

I wish I had more time to read. I really think I would love it again if I had time to read for myself instead of for Monday’s reading quiz.

I need to go, I have to be at my Africa meeting in ten.

Adios :)

Africa Update

(Those are bags packaged I helped package here. It gives me chills to see her holding one)

Africa.

I am wholly overcome by a wave of thoughts and emotions every time I think about it.

Here's the run-down on how things are going and what we hope to do in the coming months:

School

Update:
After the January team saw the conditions that the girls live in now, they realized there was no way that they could wait for June for the dorms to be complete and that the dorms somehow needed to house more girls. The girls have been moved out of their previous living situation until the dorms are completed. Tina cried as she talked about how thankful and emotional the girls were. I now understand what a life and death situation this was for them. They lived with four to six girls crammed in a space scarcely larger than 8' by 6'. The doors did not lock properly, posing a real and terrifying threat to the girls safety. They did not have water or bathrooms and the only window was about a foot wide and covered by a piece of canvas. The plans for the dorm are being reviewed by an engineer to expand from a capacity of 80 to 156. The computers are almost there! In January Andy trained the teachers and some high-achieving students to use to software installed on the computers.

In-Progress:
The dorms are still under construction and hopefully we will finish up construction and furnishing in June. There are also more than a few students failing. To help them make the most of the opportunities the school provides we are setting up a mentoring program to help these kids and we will continue to train the rest of the students on their new computers. To accommodate the new number of girls in the dorms, the lounge area was taken out, but the girls are still in need of a space to relax and study. We will also be working to furnish a classroom in a way that can allow it to function as both a lounge and as a classroom as it is needed. Finally, although the students at the school do not have the volume or amount of books that we do here, they still have a need for backpacks. We have come up with a pattern and found some old sewing machines which will be included on a pallet in our next shipment. We are hoping that this can become another source of income for the school as they grow to be self-sufficient.

Feeding Center

Update:
I should first explain the village's situation. The feeding center is specifically a children's feeding center which serves mostly orphans. These orphans used to spend all their time scavenging for food, a rarity given the recent droughts and the devastation they have brought to the region's plants, animals, and people. The children recieve two meals a day but only if they have gone to school. The reasoning is that if they were spending all their time looking for food, if they are provided food, they will then have time to go to school, so they are recieving an education and being cared for in the mean time. Our first feeding center is coming along great. After last June it still needed some work (things like outlet covers, doors, plumbing, you get the idea). As of January it seems as though these have all been taken care of and the whole community is enjoying the center. The center, much like the school, is also becoming more independent.

In-Progress:
The governor has donated 15 acres of land to us! With this land we're hoping to establish another feeding center using the blueprints from the first, with a few changes as we have learned a lot from building the first one. We are currently focusing donations toward finishing the dorms at the school, but as soon as that is paid for, we are going to hopefully begin to fund this second feeding center.

Goats

Update:
Last June we were able to give the villagers several goats. During the January trip three of the goats gave birth to four healthy kids (one set of twins!). Why goats? They are more economical in terms of how much they cost to raise compared to how much revenue they produce. In comparison to cows, they are more disease-resistant, eat less, and their milk sells for a higher price.

In-Progress:
We are designing goat pens to be built as an addition to the existing ones from last June. The mothers need an area to nurse their newborns and all the goats need an area to sleep where they are not laying in their own waste. We will be building these new pens in June.


Rock Bridge/ Teacher Bikes

Update:

These are both new projects that have to deal with difficulty in transportation. Several leaders of the village (and I'm pretty sure the headmaster of the school) live across a riverbed that is difficult to cross, but hopefully will not once we build a bridge across. Bikes are a rare and coveted luxury in Africa. As spread out as the area is, bikes can easily cut travel time literally in half. Also, as remote as this village is, the school hopes to attract teachers by providing them with a bike as long as they are with the school.

In-Progress:
To help improve transportation across the river, around the village, and attract teachers to the school we are designing and building a rock bridge and buying ten bikes for the school with packages for maintenance.