Checking Out

I do this stupid thing where I 'check out' every once in a while.
I just sort of disappear (literally and metaphorically).
It's like the whole 'damsel in distress' or 'playing hard to get' routine, only not romantic.
Like, instead of fishing for compliments I'm fishing for attention. For validation.
That's so disgusting. So low.
I hate it when other people do this.
I hate it when I do it too.
So why do I do it?
That's the real question.
I'm not sure exactly why I do it. I guess it's for a lot of reasons.
I want to see if anyone notices I'm gone.
I want to feel like someone cares about me.
I want to see if they bother to say anything.
I want to feel like I matter.
I need to learn to stop using other people as a gauge of my worth.