Today was a pretty lame day. Nothing in particular made it so "lame". Actually, looking back at different things that happened today I would've thought it to be a "good" day or even a "great" one, but it wasn't. Mostly it boils down to anxiety. I'm scared about the future. I work at a different pace and I do things my own way, but unfortunately, my pace and my way don't fit the system. So I'm supposed to learn to "deal"? Learn to "cope"? Just "get over it"? Says who? Why should I be the one to change? Sure, being flexible and having the ability to adapt are noble qualities and all, but why do I have to always be the one to change? Sure, I'm not right all the time, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong all the time, either. Throw me a bone, would ya?
I'm still really frustrated and discouraged with friendships, and really relationships in general. I don't even like him and I'm jealous. I'm jealous. There. I said it. Now what?
When you said I looked "sullen" today? When I told you I was "okay"? I lied. I'm not okay. I don't know what I am. A part of me really wants to talk to you about it. The other part wants to be as far away from you as possible. Sorry I've been so rude lately. It's nothing personal. But at the same time, it is.
Today I hate you, I hate myself, and I hate life in general.
I have to go do bio and read that poem about happiness.
Happiness?
I have such a distorted perspective of happiness, love, life in general. I don't know that I'll ever find happiness.
Today was a pretty lame day.
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