Life is good.

I eneded junior year strong. I pulled all A's, and passed all my AP exams. At graduation I said goodbye to some dear friends. But I didn't have time to dwell because within two days I was across the world.

Africa is the single most amazing experience of my life, and I am thankful for it every single day. The team has become my family and I renewed and began friendships that today are stronger than ever. When it came time to leave I wasn't ready to go. I still can't describe it, but that doesn't stop me from trying. But my two weeks were up, and I boarded the plane home. I was home less than 24 hours before taking off for Ohio. I was in Ohio several weeks, and then came home again. The week I was at home I went to the beach each day and went out each night. Then I left for camp for a week. I was home a week, rushing through my summer assignments and then it was off to the PC retreat. A week later, school started. As much as I love school and all of my extra curriculars, I hadn't taken a break, I hadn't sat down, I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep, and I hadn't thought about what was best for me in months. I wasn't ready to go back to school. I felt like I'd just left.

This semester's been tough. These past couple of months have been really really hard to get through and I struggled a lot. I'm sorry for all the complaining and I'm sorry for being so irritable. You guys are the most amazing friends I could ever ask for and I love you all so so much. Thank you for sticking with me.

This break has been exactly what I needed. I slept in. I finished my college applications. I did things that I felt like doing simply because I could. I made new friends and gave myself permission to be happy and be myself. I reconnected with old friends. I got to know people in ways I hadn't before.

I'm learning to say "no". I'm learning that sometimes I need to put myself first. I'm learning that when I spread myself too thin I can never give any one thing or one person all of my attention or love or effort. I'm learning that I can't help others if I'm the one who needs help. If I want to fill others with my love, first I need to fill myself with my love.

Finally, I've stopped surviving and started living.