Pieces of me

How can I simultaneously love and hate parts of my life so much?

I have so many things going for me, I'm so thankful for all my friends and the opportunities I have that most other people only dream about. I appreciate my parents' dedication to my happiness and support of my goals. I'm learning a lot in school even though I whine. I'm happy with the person I'm becoming and I'm proud that I've finally gotten the strength to overcome some old obstacles.

But at the same time, there are still things that eat away at me, slowly and constantly tearing me apart, piece by piece. And all those pieces are starting to add up. But I can't change it. The situation is what it is. But I keep hoping that if I close my eyes tight, cross my fingers, and wish hard enough that it'll just disappear. It's like a black mark or an ominous rain cloud. I can't forget that I'm not the only one dealing with this. I really think talking about it would help. But I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear about it, and I don't want to think about it. I don't want to accept it. I just want it to go away. I wish I'd never found out. I've never understood the meaning of "ignorance is bliss" more than now.